Funny Jeep jokes and stories!
zanblackrain
Jeeper
Three Jeepers were sitting around a camp fire at a Jamboree talking.
The first one (Fred) looks over at the other two and says
"Bob whats the worst pain you ever felt?"
Bob replies "Well I was winching the jeep on old number 9 and the winch cable broke and hit me right in the shin and cut me to the bone!"
The other two reply "Damn I bet that hurt"
Bob asks Ted "Ted what the worst pain you ever felt?"
Ted replies " Well I was stuck in a rut one time and I got my jack out was jacking the jeep up and the darn thing rolled back and the jeep kicked the jack out and the bumper came down right on top of my right knee!!"
The other two winched and replied "Oh man that had to hurt"
Ted replies "Fred now that you started this what is the worst pain you ever felt?"
Fred replies " Hmmm! The SECOND worst pain I ever felt was when we at a Jamboree in Kentucky and I had to take a dump terrible bad... so I pulled over went back off the trail about a hundred feet with a roll of paper. Dropped my drawers bent down and SSNAP! I got jim and the twins caught in a #2 steel trap!"
The other two winched and said "Damn that was the SECOND worst pain you ever felt? What was the worst?"
Fred replied " WHEN I RUN OUTTA CHAIN!!!"
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A REAL JEEP IF...
1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain
3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark
4. You roll it over and don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and *****-slap the driver
10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a Suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know
where you will end up
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off
18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep
back onto its wheels again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and your can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it
36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
37. You are dating the Service, Parts or Sales Manager at the Jeep dealership
38. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, on a date without carrying
along a set of steps
43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
50. Your wallet is always empty.
51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep
The first one (Fred) looks over at the other two and says
"Bob whats the worst pain you ever felt?"
Bob replies "Well I was winching the jeep on old number 9 and the winch cable broke and hit me right in the shin and cut me to the bone!"
The other two reply "Damn I bet that hurt"
Bob asks Ted "Ted what the worst pain you ever felt?"
Ted replies " Well I was stuck in a rut one time and I got my jack out was jacking the jeep up and the darn thing rolled back and the jeep kicked the jack out and the bumper came down right on top of my right knee!!"
The other two winched and replied "Oh man that had to hurt"
Ted replies "Fred now that you started this what is the worst pain you ever felt?"
Fred replies " Hmmm! The SECOND worst pain I ever felt was when we at a Jamboree in Kentucky and I had to take a dump terrible bad... so I pulled over went back off the trail about a hundred feet with a roll of paper. Dropped my drawers bent down and SSNAP! I got jim and the twins caught in a #2 steel trap!"
The other two winched and said "Damn that was the SECOND worst pain you ever felt? What was the worst?"
Fred replied " WHEN I RUN OUTTA CHAIN!!!"
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A REAL JEEP IF...
1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain
3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark
4. You roll it over and don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and *****-slap the driver
10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a Suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know
where you will end up
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off
18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep
back onto its wheels again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and your can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it
36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
37. You are dating the Service, Parts or Sales Manager at the Jeep dealership
38. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, on a date without carrying
along a set of steps
43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
50. Your wallet is always empty.
51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep